


Alone No More

by Loveislove87



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: AU, Fluff, Librarian!Robert, Love at First Sight, M/M, meet cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 14:55:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15821196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loveislove87/pseuds/Loveislove87
Summary: Robert's a loner librarian.  He loves his niece.  He meets Aaron.  Fluff.





	Alone No More

Robert loved his job.  The smell of the books, the clicking of the keys on the keyboard, the smiles on the faces of visitors, seeing the same people come in day after day, pick a book, go to their usual seat and just get lost in a world of their own.  Being a librarian allowed Robert to be both social and introverted at the same time.  He interacted with patrons, of course he did, but it wasn’t constant and it was almost always positive.  Most days, though, he got to observe.  He would sit at his desk, perusing his email and checking to see what new orders would be arriving while watching people come and go.

Growing up, Robert had been expected to follow in his father’s footsteps, taking over the farm when he left school.  He’d always known that life wasn’t for him but his father was in severe denial up until the day he left for uni.  His brother, Andy, had always been destined to take over, with his broad shoulders and strong build.  The man was built for hard graft.  Robert, on the other hand, loved school.  He loved to read and write and learn about places throughout the world.  It was that love of learning that led him to this career.  A place where he can continue to read and become educated on new topics all the time and then share that knowledge with kids and adults alike.           

His sister, Victoria, had always been supportive.  She was a “follow your dreams” kind of girl which was one of the many things Robert loved about her.  She used to visit him at school and he’d take her around campus, showing her his favorite places to spend his time.  She never once laughed that they were mostly libraries or study halls or quiet corridors. 

Victoria and Andy were naturally social, getting along with almost everyone they met.  He admired how easily they held conversations, how invested in other people they could be.  But he just could never quite figure it out.  He tried, God knows he tried, but he always put his foot in it.  Letting the conversation come to a halt because he couldn’t think of anything else to say or being too blunt and accidentally offending the person. 

For the most part, Robert appreciated being alone.  He had a routine that brought him comfort and happiness that another person could only muck up.

6:00 Wake up

6:30 Breakfast

6:45 Shower

7:30 Leave the flat

8:00 Arrive at library

12:00 Take lunch

12:30 Return from lunch

5:00 Leave library

6:00 Tea

6:30 Read

9:00 Bedtime

His sister would tease him mercilessly that he was such an old man at 28 but he didn’t mind.  He lived a peaceful, predictable life that brought him joy.  That was enough.

Every Saturday, Victoria would bring her daughter, Lily, to the library to visit Uncle Robert and pick out new books and a DVD for the week.  Robert looked forward to it all week long.  He loved Lily endlessly.  He saw something of himself in her with her quiet demeanor and her curiosity and her excitement for learning.  She was currently enamored with jungle animals and Robert was more than happy to indulge his favorite little girl.

*******************

Robert was on his hands and knees searching for a book that _should be right here_ for a patron when he heard his favorite sound.

“Where’s Uncle Robert, daddy?”

Robert couldn’t help the smile that spread.  Saturdays flew by with his niece at his side. 

He stood, knees loudly objecting, and took a peek around the stacks.  Lily was stretched as tall as she could, peering over the top of the counter searching for him.  She had on her bright pink leggings, favorite blue dress and her favorite stuffed giraffe hanging from her hand. 

Robert snuck up behind her as quietly as he could and scooped her up, lifting her high above his head.  She shrieked with surprise and then laughed when she realized who it was.

Robert laughed while trying to shush her, looking around apologetically to the library’s guests.

“Hey pumpkin!  I’ve missed you!”  He gave her a quick cuddle before putting her down.  She reached out for her father’s hand, swinging her giraffe with the other.

“Can we look at books about elephants today?  We watched The Jungle Book last night and the elephants were my favorite!”  Lily was practically bouncing on the spot.

“Of course we can, kiddo.  Where’s mom?”  He looked to her husband, Matty.  “Vic okay?”

Matty smiled, “yeah she’s fine.  Just got called into the pub to work an extra shift.  April came down with the bug that’s been going around so Marlon couldn’t make it in.  So this one’s stuck with me today,” he smiled as he tickled Lily, making her giggle.

“Alright.  Well, pumpkin, the books about elephants are gonna be right over there,” Robert pointed at the stacks near the far window.  “You start looking and I’ll be over in a minute.  I just have a book I need to find.”

Lily was off like a shot, smile splitting her face in two.  God he adored her.

As he turned to head back to find the book that shall not be found, he felt Matty’s hand on his arm.  “Hey, so it’s mine and Vic’s anniversary next weekend and I’m taking her away to a fancy hotel for a surprise.  Great restaurant, lake view, all the best.”  Matty was beaming.  Robert had to admit he didn’t know his brother in law as well as he probably should, another victim of his awkwardness, but he could tell Matty loved his sister and was a great father.

“That sounds mint, mate.  I hope you two have a great time.  As long as the food’s good, Vic’ll be made up.”  Victoria deserved everything and then some.  The least she should get is some pampering for a weekend.

“Yeah I’m real excited.  I just wanted to let you know cause a mate of mine is gonna house sit for us and watch Lily.  We told him how much she loves coming here so we didn’t want you to be surprised when you saw her with a stranger.”  Robert hoped his face was hiding the hurt he was feeling.  They hadn’t even asked him.  He would have loved to spend the weekend with Lily.  He supposed there was a good reason, though.  So he put on a smile and said, “oh okay.  Sounds good.  What’s her name?”

Matty smiled, “Aaron.  Dingle.  He’s a great guy.  Lily loves him.  They play footie together and he sings all the Disney songs with her, although I don’t think he knows that we know that,” he said with a gentle punch to Robert’s shoulder.

He could sing flippin’ Disney songs, too.  Big deal.

“And,” Matty beamed, “he’s gay.”

Robert just blinked.  What’s that got to do with anything?

“Okay.”

“Okay?  Just okay?”  Matty seemed confused.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.  I look forward to meeting him?”  Robert shrugged.  He just wanted to find this evil book and then spend time with Lily.  He had zero interest in learning about this fantastic babysitter-man guy.

Matty just shook his head and put his hands in his pockets.  “You are the only person I’ve ever met who wants to be alone, Robert.  Eventually, you’re gonna meet someone who sweeps you off your feet and I cannot wait to see it.”  He gave Robert a quick pat on the back and headed off to check on Lily.

Robert could not understand why it was so difficult to comprehend he liked his freedom, his independence.  He didn’t have to answer to anyone or accommodate their weird habits or interests.  He could do what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it and that was that.  He had his sister and his niece and his books and his flat.  Add a good cup of tea and his favorite trackies and there was literally nothing else he needed in his life.

*************

A week later and Robert couldn’t wait to see Lily.  He’d had the absolute week from hell.  Summer became autumn Monday before the sun came up, just like that.  And not the pleasant crisp mornings and colored leaves autumn.  The freezing cold, won’t stop raining autumn.  So that meant that Robert’s heat had to die overnight and he woke up able to see his own breath.  The patrons at the library throughout the week were just as miserable and tended to take their frustrations out on Robert.  He had hoped to get one of the weekend days with Lily but he didn’t know when Matty was telling Vic about the trip so instead of risking spoiling the surprise, he just let it go. 

He was definitely ready for a niece sized cuddle.

Lily’s normal 1:00 visit time came and went.  Robert was staring at his computer screen, constantly glancing down to the bottom right side to see the time, barely absorbing anything he was reading.  He took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes (running out of contacts and unable to make an appointment for a month another fantastic event this past week) trying to refocus.  He re-read the email for the fifth time when he finally heard it.

“Hi Uncle Robert!”

Finally something good could happen.  When he looked up, however, he found himself short of breath. 

Lily had both of her hands in a man’s hands and he was swinging her in front of him, making the little girl giggle and jump up to swing again.  He was wearing a tight black jumper that did nothing to hide his broad shoulders and toned chest and arms.  He had a perfectly trimmed beard and a smile that Robert thought made the room brighter.  He had loose, curly hair and the bluest eyes Robert had ever seen.  And he was making his favorite human smile.

Holy shit, who was this man?

Robert was frozen.  He couldn’t get his mouth to close and he definitely couldn’t get his feet to move.  He was staring at the man, Aaron he assumed, and simply couldn’t function. 

How could anyone be so beautiful?

Aaron looked up and met Robert’s eye.  They held each other’s gaze and neither made any effort to move.  Robert felt like he was in one of those romantic comedies.  His knees were weak, his jaw was on the ground and he was speechless.

Is this what love at first sight is?

That’s not a real thing, is it?

“UNCLE ROBERT!!!!”  A light bop to the nose was what finally broke Robert’s worship of Aaron’s face, Lily having become so impatient she threw her giraffe at him.

“Alright, huffy pants, no need to throw wild life around.”  Robert took a deep breath as he walked around the counter.  His hands were shaking and clammy.  He knew he needed to pull it together but he had no idea how.

Robert tried as subtly as he could to wipe his hands on his pants.  He cleared his throat and looked up at Aaron.  Again, he felt himself fall into those blue eyes. 

He had no hope here, at all.

He couldn’t think of anything to say, forgetting his own flaming name, so he started to raise his right hand.

Aaron smiled, a brilliant display of perfectly straight teeth, and took Robert’s hand in his.  Robert could have sworn he started to float.  Aaron’s hands were rough and calloused and completely perfect.

“I’m Aaron.  You must be Robert.  Lily hasn’t stopped talking about you since I came over last night.” 

He had a thick accent but he was clear and articulate.  Nothing like the moron that was Robert Sugden.  Robert tried desperately to speak, to say anything but he couldn’t make his mouth work beyond smiling like a maniac.

Aaron looked at their still joined hands and slowly let go.  He shifted on his feet, probably feeling uncomfortable because Robert was acting so odd.

“Well, uh, anyway, it’s nice to meet you,” Aaron said with a half-smile.

Yeah, Robert definitely made him uncomfortable.

Excellent work, Sugden.  Excellent.

Just say something! Something!

Robert took a deep breath.  “You too.”  With a slight squeak.  He cleared his throat and tried again.  “You too.”

He shook his head, red from head to toe with embarrassment.  Robert knew he was awkward but this was something else.

“You ready, pumpkin?”  Lily took his hand with a big smile.  “What animals are we looking up today?”

“Giraffes! Did you know their tongues are black?!”  Robert just smiled, feeling his shoulders relax and the blush finally leaving his face.  This was better.  This is what he knew.

While Robert and Lily looked up where to find information on giraffes, Aaron hung back a bit but Robert was always aware of his presence and noticed Aaron staring at him as often as he was staring back.  He desperately wished he was better at reading people than he was. 

After Lily had poured through all of the books she could on today’s favorite animal, they were ready to head out while Robert needed to get ready to close the library.  Aaron had stayed close by, watching intently, making a shiver roll down Robert’s spine every now and then.

Robert gave Lily a big hug, hating how quickly their time together went by. 

“Aaron, it was nice to meet you,” he offered his hand, far less clammy now.  Aaron smiled and shook it.  “You too.”

As the pair started heading out Aaron stopped.  He walked back towards the desk and Robert thought his heartbeat could be heard by everyone in the room.  Aaron was just perfect, exuding confidence and swagger.  Robert had to suppress the wave of pure want that ran through his body.

That was a feeling he hadn’t had in a very long time.

“Look, uh, I’m taking Lily to that cinema in Hotton that plays sort of odd movies.  They’re playing a documentary on the poles and I know Lily likes penguins so I thought we’d check it out.  Do you wanna come?”

Robert could feel himself staring again but it was a lot to process.  His favorite little person and this picture-perfect man?  It sounded perfect.  But what if he ruined it?  What if Aaron thought he was a loser, a nerd? 

He heard a noise and looked up.  Aaron was shuffling on his feet, head down.  He peered up through his eyelashes and Robert couldn’t take a deep breath with that blue shining back at him. 

“I’m sorry.  I bet you’ve got plans tonight or summat.  It was just an idea.  Don’t worry about it.”  Aaron gave a little smile and turned to go back to Lily.

Robert snapped out of it, realizing there was really no way he could miss out on this opportunity.

“I’d love to!” he all but screamed at Aaron’s back.  Aaron turned with a beaming smile, hands in his jeans pockets.  “Great.  Can we pick you up here when you’re done closing up?”

Robert just smiled and nodded, words evading him now.

Aaron let out a little laugh.  Robert thought he’d never heard anything more beautiful.

“Alright, well we’ll see you in a bit then.”  With that, Aaron walked out, swinging Lily up into his arms where she had been sitting looking at a magazine about dogs.

Robert smiled after them.  He felt so overwhelmed.  He’d never met anyone like Aaron before.  Confident and beautiful but kind and soft.  He was amazing with Lily and, so far, really patient with Robert’s quirks. 

He rushed through his work in the hopes of having a few minutes to try freshening up in the library bathroom.  Not very glamorous but it’d have to do.

************

Robert turned off the lights and locked the doors.  His nerves were getting the better of him so he was grateful for the cool breeze to keep him from overheating and passing out on the sidewalk. 

He didn’t know why he was so nervous anyway.  They were taking Lily to a movie.  It was innocent enough.  It wasn’t a date.

Was it?

Robert hadn’t been on a date in more than a year.  His last one had been with another librarian.  She was pretty and well spoken but they couldn’t make conversation.  That was probably mostly Robert’s fault if he’s being honest.  She had made it clear that despite having practically nothing in common and having barely spoken throughout their meal that she was happy to take him home but he couldn’t do it.  He’d never been that kind of guy.  If he could barely talk to you how could he make love to you?  So he did what he knew how to do.  Faked possible food poisoning and ran away as quickly as he could.

Aaron made him feel completely different.  He wanted to listen to him talk all night about anything at all.  He wanted to feel his muscles where they strained against his jumper.  He wanted to know what it felt like for stubble rub across his skin.  What their hands would feel like when their fingers were intertwined.

He wanted everything and anything Aaron would give him. 

As soon as that thought crossed his mind, Robert laughed at himself, looking down at his feet.  Cheap shoes he’s had since he was twenty, pants that were just a bit too short, a ratty old jumper whose original color he wasn’t quite sure of.  He was skinny, not a whole lot of muscle.  Covered in freckles he’s always been self-conscious about.  Glasses that always slid down his nose a bit.  And he needed a haircut, badly. 

Why would a man like Aaron even glance at Robert let alone want him?

Feeling dejected before the night even began, he put his hands in his pockets and let out a sigh.  If you have no expectations you can’t be disappointed, right?

Headlights moving towards him made him squint in the fading light.  Nothing he could do now so he might as well enjoy his time with Lily and memorize everything he could about Aaron while he had the opportunity. 

**********

The ride over had been easy enough.  Lily had been chatting from the backseat sharing every fact she knew about penguins.  Robert didn’t speak much, still struggling to formulate words in Aaron’s presence, but he was more than happy listening to Lily.

When they arrived, Lily picked out a snack (peanut M&Ms, both of their favorite) and they found a seat.  Lily wanted to sit right in the middle of the theater, searching for the best seat in the house.  Robert moved to sit on her left side when she stopped him.

“Uncle Robert you can’t sit there, I need to put my M&Ms here.”  She indicated her cup holder.  “Your arms are too big, you’ll knock them down.”

He pretended to be offended before giving her a quick tickle, making her laugh.  “You sit next to me and Aaron sits next to you.” 

With her directions given, she got comfortable, feet under her bum, M&Ms propped open and giraffe under her arm. 

Robert had thought he’d be able to focus a bit more if he wasn’t sat right next to Aaron but it seemed Lily had other plans.  He gave a small smile to Aaron, who was looking a bit amused by Lily’s demands, and took a seat.  Being so close to Aaron was making him a wreck.  His stomach was full of butterflies and his hands were sweating…again. 

He could do this.  He could get through the movie and then move on.  This was nothing more than a silly crush.  Right?

Right?

The previews started and Robert was never so grateful for the dark.  If he was going to blush all night long, he’d like to keep it to himself, ta. 

He focused on Lily throughout most of the film.  She was leaning forward in her seat, squeezing her teddy close to her chest, absentmindedly popping M&Ms into her mouth.  When one of the penguins died, he leaned in quietly and asked “you okay?”

Without taking her eyes off of the screen she nodded.   “It’s natural.  It’s okay.”  She really amazed him sometimes.

He sat back in his chair and stretched his legs out a bit.  When he readjusted his position, he realized his thigh was brushing up against Aarons.  He froze.  Where their bodies met, Robert felt a jolt of electricity.  He wanted to move, embarrassed by their closeness, but he wanted to hold onto this feeling for as long as he could.  He glanced out of his periphery to gage Aaron’s reaction and saw nothing.

Maybe he didn’t even realize they were touching.

So Robert didn’t move.  He just enjoyed feeling Aaron next to him, lost in the daydream that they were on a date and this was a completely normal thing for them.  He smiled to himself.

If only.

Robert’s eyes stayed on the screen in front of him, barely blinking but seeing nothing of the movie he was watching when he felt it.

A gentle, warm pressure on his right thigh, right above his knee.  His heart was beginning to pound so hard he saw his jumper moving up and down with the rhythm.  When he dared to peek down, he saw that Aaron’s hand had moved onto his leg.

Was he hallucinating?  Why would Aaron want to touch him?  Maybe he thought Robert’s leg was his own and he was just confused?

Robert wrung his hands in his lap, trying to regain some control of his emotions.  He was afraid if he moved or took too deep of a breath or looked for too long, Aaron would take his hand away and this unbelievable moment would vanish. 

This felt perfect.

He didn’t want to be alone.  He loved his job.  He loved his books.  He loved his flat.  He loved comics and superhero movies.  He loved Americanos and people watching.  He loved Vic and Lily and even Matty.  But it wasn’t enough.  He wanted something more.

And that something more looked and felt like Aaron.

He felt the back of his eyes burn with the realization.  Even if Aaron didn’t really want him, even if this was a tease or a complete misunderstanding, he’d be forever grateful that Aaron helped him see a future he hadn’t seen before; find a small comfort in the man he is and the man he’d like to be.

Robert couldn’t help but breath out and smile.  He felt Aaron’s hand shift and the feeling of disappointment landed like a bag of bricks in his gut.  He had moved and startled Aaron.  It really was a mistake.  But then the most amazing feeling replaced the emptiness.

Aaron slowly and gently curved his hand into Robert’s, lacing their fingers together and gently squeezing. 

Robert couldn’t stop himself from looking at Aaron in his state of shock.  There was no way that was a mistake.  What was happening?

All he saw was a smile as Aaron’s eyes never left the screen.  Robert wasn’t about to ruin this, so he turned back to the screen, too, feeling like he was floating on a cloud with the only tether being Aaron’s hand. 

They stayed that way through the rest of the film.  Hands sweaty and sticky but both men refusing to be the first one to let go.

At the end, when the credits began to roll, Robert felt Aaron pull his hand away, feeling the absence instantly.  Lily was talking a mile a minute about her favorite parts and things she wanted to look up at the library. 

They walked out to the car together, Lily swinging in between the two men.  Every now and then they caught each other’s eye and would give a soft smile, sharing a secret between them.  Once Lily was settled in the car, she began to doze immediately, the effects of a long, exciting day kicking in.  Aaron and Robert enjoyed the quiet, not speaking at all. 

But Robert was slowly leaving his heavenly haze and bringing himself back to reality.  There was no way this could be real.  He felt too much too soon.   No one wanted more than friendship from him.  He’d never been in a real relationship.  He was too odd and he knew it.  He refused to apologize for who he was but it didn’t stop his chest from hurting at the thought of leaving Aaron tonight, probably for good.

He leaned his head against the cool of the glass, watching the trees and buildings fly by.  He needed his routine, that was all.  Tomorrow was his relaxation day.  He slept in a bit, had a big breakfast, indulged in his latest book, ordered takeaway and just lazed around the house.  It would help him reset for the next week and he’d be fine.

He’d be fine.

Aaron cleared his throat, causing Robert to look at him.

“I don’t know where you live.  Am I going the right way?”  Aaron focused on the road ahead.  Robert admired his profile.  Straight nose, nice jaw, soft hair.  Whoever got to wake up to Aaron every morning would be a lucky bastard.

“Uh, yeah, sorry.  I live right by the library.  422 Main Street.”  Aaron just nodded his understanding.

When they arrived at his flat, Robert looked back at a sleeping Lily.  She was so lovely and peaceful.

“I don’t want to wake her.  Will you tell her I love her and I’ll see her soon?”  Aaron looked back at Lily and smiled, too.

“Of course, I will.” 

Robert unfastened his seatbelt but sat frozen.  He didn’t know what to do.

Was he really just going to walk away from this amazing man?  Really accept that he might not see him again?

Robert watched as Aaron’s hands tightened around the steering wheel, knuckles going white, obviously tired of waiting for Robert to move.

That was enough of an answer.  Tonight had just been a series of weird happenings and misunderstandings.  That was all.

“It was nice to meet you, Aaron.  Thanks for inviting me and bringing me home.  I appreciate it.”  Robert smiled, taking one more mental picture of Aaron before he opened the door and climbed out.

He let out a sigh as he walked up the stairs to the front door, digging his keys out of his pocket.  The sound of a car door made him turn, bringing him face to face with Aaron.

They just looked at each other for what felt like an eternity.

Robert didn’t understand what was happening so he froze, letting Aaron take the lead.

Finally, Aaron scoffed and shook his head.  Looking Robert in the eyes he asked “did you not feel it?”

There it was again.  Clammy hands, racing heart, butterflies.  But he didn’t understand.

“Feel what?” Robert practically whispered, afraid he knew the answer and was wrong at the same time.

Aaron watched him closely, looking for some sign.  Whatever he saw in Robert was enough for him to move forward and put his hands on Robert’s hips.

Robert’s eyes widened as he felt that pull towards Aaron once more.

“That” Aaron said, slightly surer of himself now.

Robert was wrong.  Everything that happened today was intentional.  He wasn’t imagining it.  Maybe Aaron even felt what he felt.

All Robert could manage was to nod.

Aaron nodded as well.  “It’s okay Robert.  It’s okay.”

Robert saw Aaron’s small smile and found nothing but reassurance in it.  He lifted his shaking hands and placed them on Aaron’s shoulders, feeling his strength beneath the softness of his sweater.  He really couldn’t believe this.

Aaron smiled, bright and life changing.  Robert wanted to see that smile every day.  He’d do anything to make that happen.

Robert felt himself being brought closer to Aaron, his hands tightening at Robert’s waist.  In a moment of pure panic, Robert stiffened up.

“I don’t understand what’s happening, what this is.”  Robert searched Aaron’s eyes for an answer.  This was too much.  He barely knew Aaron but everything felt like it was happening just as it should.  What did it mean?

Aaron just held Robert tighter.  “I don’t know but it feels right, doesn’t it?” 

Robert smiled then.  Maybe all of his analysis and planning wasn’t necessary right now.  For now it was enough to be held up by this amazing man who saw Robert, actually saw him.

“You’re beautiful, you know.”  Robert couldn’t help the tears that came to his eyes.  No one ever said that to him before, nothing even close.  Knowing someone thought he was beautiful was lovely.  Knowing Aaron thought he was beautiful was mind-blowing.

“So are you.  You literally left me speechless when you came into the library today.  It’s taken me all day to figure out how to form words.”  Aaron laughed, rubbing his thumbs against Robert’s sides. 

“I haven’t been able to take my eyes off you all day.”  They stood smiling at one another, Robert made taller than usual by the stairs, Aaron made taller by his confidence. 

Aaron leaned in, pulling Robert as close to him as he could and their lips met.  Robert knew what home felt like now.  The slight scratch of stubble, the warmth of Aaron’s cheek against his, dry but full lips.  Nothing had ever felt so good, so right before.

When they pulled away, Robert rested his forehead against Aaron’s, needing the support to recover. 

“Come to Vic’s tomorrow for lunch.  We’ll relax, spend time with Lily and get to know each other better.  I have to see you again.”  Aaron refused to lose eye contact with Robert, practically going cross eyed at the attempt. 

Robert laughed.  “I’d love that, yeah.”  Aaron smiled and leaned up for one more quick kiss.

“Goodnight Robert.”

“Goodnight Aaron.”

As Robert went to bed that night, forgetting his tea, never opening his book, he felt contentment.  Aaron was the next chapter of Robert’s book and he couldn’t wait to see what happened next.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Just a silly AU idea I wanted to get down.
> 
> Come say hi on tumblr scottt190  
> :)


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